3 Jun 2016
Welcome to this month's episode of KaTsZoNe called, The Dream.
Let me begin with an episode of a tv series based on Agatha Christie's books called Poirot. My mom and I use to love watching Poirot on PBS. I just started subscribing to Netflix and discovered this wonderful tv series is on it and I have been really excited to watch all the seasons! In one episode, Poirot was approached by a wealthy businessman who told him about his recurring dream. Recurring dreams can be an indication of something constantly on our minds, or as some people may believe, it can be a warning that we should pay attention to. The man with a terrible recurring dream told the great detective, Hercule Poirot, that he dreamt about shooting himself in the head at a particular time. For several nights, the man confessed that he had the same dream and it made him anxious and left him mystified. One day, the man with the recurring dream is found dead in his office. Poirot wondered whether it was suicide or something more sinister. Eventually, Poirot realizes that the man who told him about a recurring dream was actually an imposter who had disguised himself as the dreamer and it was the imposter who devised a clever plot, claiming to dream about suicide when it was actually a murder plot. Nevertheless, the great detective Poirot solved the mystery and the killer is caught!
I also faced a mysterious dream recently, although it was not a recurring one. For whatever reason, sad feelings about my mother's death bubbled up again. For months after my mother's death in September, 2013, I had disturbing dreams. This most recent dream really shook me. I spoke out, asking why did she have to die. But, it was a dream within another dream. And, in the second dream, I expressed feeling that my mom was hugging me really tight as I seemed to freely fly up into the sky. When I woke up, I remembered my first helicopter ride at Niagara Falls about a year ago, when we quickly lifted up into the air. In my dream, as my mom held me tightly, I was flying up into the air and I kept repeating, "I want to die! I want to die! I want to die!"
I woke up in tears. I could not forget the feeling of my mom holding on to me tightly and the words I repeated, "I want to die." The dream nagged me all day the next day.
If you are a parent, you would want what is best for your child or children. You want them to follow their dreams and be the best that they can be as they grow and mature. You want a great future for them. As much as you want to protect and shelter your child, you know that one day, they need to break out of their shell. I have no doubt that feeling my mom in my dream meant that she was still watching over me and would want what is best for me.
For a couple years, I have asked myself, what can I do now? I have helped my mom look after my dad in his illnesses and old age, and then, I tried to look after my mom through her illnesses until her death. When I was a legal assistant, I looked after lawyers as part of my job. But, now that I am no longer in that job, who do I look after? What do I do now?
Some of you might say, I should look after myself now! I agree, but, I have always believed that my purpose is not for myself alone. I have always felt that my life was part of a bigger purpose and believed that God has a purpose for each of us. I believe each of us have purpose in this world. So, when I examine my dream and what I kept repeating, "I want to die", perhaps it was not in anguish but determination to break out. I was soaring up into the air like a bird, but, as fast as a helicopter lifting off the ground. I want to be like a butterfly and die to my old self. I want the freedom to fly and discover new dreams and the purpose for my life. I want change!
At some point in time, we will feel like life as we know it will come to an end. You may have had experiences with illness and near death experiences, or struggled with psychological and emotional attacks which caused you to stumble and fall. When we were children, our parents may have rushed to our side when we had nightmares which left us afraid and sobbing. But, as adults, when we have nightmares, we might be alone. It's not easy to be alone, as children or adults, especially when we are undergoing changes. Nightmares are either real fears and insecurities or, as my friends and I sometimes ask each other, "What did you eat for dinner before you went to bed?"
I have been undergoing changes for the past couple years, and it's been a combination of choices and things which are part of life. I remember going to the Butterfly Conservatory in the Niagara Region last year and was fascinated and inspired by these beautiful creatures. So, the next time you see a butterfly, perhaps you will remember me and this episode of KaTsZoNe. Be assured, I am fine, but, I seem to be craving oranges lately. Oh, by the way, butterflies love citrus.
To my fellow butterfly friends, family and whomever may come across this blog, feel free to soar as high as you want!
I'll be back in August with more tales, hopefully from upcoming road trips!
Peace and blessings.
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